Opinion|Where Being a Single Woman Is Not OK
Op-Docs
Dating is hard. A government campaign to get you married is worse.
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transcript
transcript
Single in China
Dating is hard. A government campaign to get you married is worse.
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What kind of man would be a good match for you? I have high standards. For example, he must be well educated. Most important, he must respect women. Have you ever been in a relationship? Twice. Sorry if I’m being too straightforward, but you’re not beautiful in the traditional sense. I don’t mean you’re not pretty, I mean you’re not a beauty. And also, you’re really old. I’m old? I think I’m at a good age. Do you think you’re at the perfect age for the marriage market? Please don’t think you’re in a good position. You might think you look young, but you’re fooling yourself. Are you HauMei? Yes. I am Zhang Xu. Hi. Nice to meet you. You look better than your photo. Thank you. Your coffee. Thank you. You are welcome. My parents always wanted a son so despite the one child policy, they still kept trying and had multiple kids. In the rural area where I’m from, people treat girls as inferior to boys, so my parents pushed me to get a good education. For them, a girl with a degree equals a boy. I studied hard and became a lawyer. What kind of girl are you looking for? At my age… I’ve passed the age of falling in love. You’ve passed the age of romantic relationships. Instead of falling in love, you want to get married? Where were you born? Wudi, Bing Zhou. I’m from the county town. Really? So we could go home together on holidays. Right. I never think about going back. It’s such a small town. There is no development. People in Shandong are traditional, male chauvinism is very common. I know it, my family is like that. After you get married, will you continue to keep that tradition? I think… Like you said, every man in Shandong is a male chauvinist but they vary in degrees. In my marriage, I’m hoping to be dominant. Dominant? I want to be dominant in my family. For example, I research about cell phones and TV, as a woman, you don’t have to give advice, just tell me what you need. I’ll make the decision. I don’t want my wife to be stronger than me. Suddenly making decisions alone… Cheers. Let me see how heavy you are. How did you get so tall? Look at grandpa. Say “grandpa” Kiss. Have you found your Mr. Right yet? I don’t want to find one. You should consider getting married. Honestly, I’m very worried. You are? The law says people should get married in their 20s. You’re in your 30s and still not married? When people ask me about you, I don’t know what to say. I can date someone but I don’t want to get married. All that schooling makes you dumb. – It made her dumb. You’re highly educated and you don’t want someone at a lower level. The ones in a higher class won’t be interested in you. Since you have a steady job, you should consider getting married. I did consider it. I did consider it and I’ve decided to remain single. You don’t care. You only do whatever you want. Dad and Mom never worry about me or the others. You’re the only one they worry about. Why are you doing this? Since you were a kid, I did whatever you asked. I gave you whatever you wanted. I rarely slept. I worked in the water, in the mud. What for? To support you. How will your life look when you’re 45 years old? Our other sisters and I worry about you all the time. When you get sick, who can you call? Who will take care of you? It’s tiring to start a family but who doesn’t want to have one? Who has a comfortable life after marriage? I’m not saying I want to stay single my whole life. I simply don’t mind being single. You don’t care. I don’t care, of course I don’t care. I simply don’t want to get married but you keep worrying about it. You say seeing your child growing up makes you happy. It’s bullshit. After all, I don’t bring you any happiness, do I?
By Shosh Shlam and Hilla Medalia
“Sheng nu” (“leftover women”) is a term used to describe single women who are 27 or older in China. Most of these women live in cities and lead rewarding professional lives. The term was coined in 2007 by a government organization responsible for the protection and promotion of women’s rights and policies. That same year, the Ministry of Education added “sheng nu” to the official lexicon.
In this Op-Doc, based on the Independent Lens feature documentary “Leftover Women,” we follow one of those women — Qiu Huamei, contending with the stigma and social pressure forcing her to go on a grueling quest in search of a husband. She grew up in a small village five hours south of Beijing and is the second youngest of five sisters. Ms. Qiu is a successful lawyer, fluent in English and opinionated — but those qualities do not outweigh one key flaw: She is not married.
In recent years, the Chinese government has been waging an aggressive campaign to pressure women into marriage. Single women are caricatured in news reports, editorials and social media. The orchestrated campaign is a byproduct of China’s one-child policy, which created a great gender imbalance in the population.
Ms. Qiu does all she can to comply with expectations and find a partner. But the search sometimes feels incompatible with the life she envisions for herself. When she goes on dates, she hears again and again how a woman’s place is at home. Her intellectual and professional achievements are irrelevant. She is measured only by traditional values. And so with every year that passes, her value in the marriage market diminishes.
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Shosh Shlam is a filmmaker whose documentaries have been shown in theaters and on ARTE, ZDF, PBS and the BBC. Hilla Medalia is a Peabody Award-winning filmmaker and founder of Medalia Productions, whose films have been commissioned by HBO, Arte and the BBC and have been shown at Cannes, Berlinale and Sundance. Their previous Op-Doc is “China’s Web Junkies.”
