Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend is the same age as I am (26) and I’m worried about him. Our sex life is great. But once it’s over, he suddenly changes.
He becomes really depressed. He’s even cried a couple of times and then leaves a sad man.
I’m used to men turning over and going to sleep after sex, but his behaviour is weird, to say the least. Do you think he has hormonal problems?
Linda, by e-mail.
Dear Linda,
Orgasms often produce immediate after-effects in both men and women. Hormones are partly to blame, although emotions, including love as well as fears about sex, are important too.
Most people feel relaxed and you’re not alone in finding men rolling over and dozing off after sex a bit puzzling. But your boyfriend’s reaction is extreme and it sounds as if sex makes him feel guilty and anxious.
The problem might improve, as he becomes more confident with you. If not, then encourage him to have a word with his doctor unfailingly.
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Why should I choose between my children and my husband?
Dear Bunmi,
My husband, who is in his 40s, lost his job last year and has just been paid his entitlements. He has a farm in his home town and now wants to go into produce farming, full time.
He wants us to move to the house we already had there, so that we wouldn’t have to pay rent.
The problem is that we have two daughters we would be leaving behind. One has three small children that I help to baby-sit anytime she’s at work and is without house-help.
The other has problems with her husband and is always needing my support.
However, if my husband leaves without me, I’m sure he’ll end up with a new life. I don’t want to chose between my daughters and my husband.
Bose, by e-mail.
Dear Bose,
I’m sure you know it’s not a choice between the people you love. There’s no danger you’d lose touch with your daughters. Transportation is getting cheaper and thanks to GSM, you can phone everybody.
But if you won’t let them manage their own lives, you risk sacrificing your freedom and compromising theirs.
Stay at home only if you feel it’s right for you, and if you can accept throwing your marriage to the dogs.
Vanguard
