He’s the grand old man of British satire. But, far from enjoying a tranquil lockdown at his home in Berkshire, Richard Ingrams today finds himself on the receiving end of a spirited spoof poem which scrutinises his sometimes tempestuous romantic life in unsparing detail.
The 42-line ode — entitled ‘Richard Ingrams Writes His Memoirs’, and accompanied by scholarly explanatory notes — was purportedly ‘discovered in the archives of a North American university’.
But I can disclose that the author is, in fact, American academic Dr Kevin Gardner, who last year published Harvest Bells, a compilation of some of the lesser known poems by the late Sir John Betjeman.
Ian Hislop with Richard Ingrams at a private viewing of ‘Private Eye: The First 50 Years’ marking the 50th anniversary of Private Eye magazine at The Victoria & Albert Museum in London
However, he inadvertently included a poem about the unmasking of Sir Anthony Blunt, Surveyor of the Queen’s Pictures when Blunt was stripped of his knighthood after being exposed as a former Soviet spy.
Far from being by Betjeman, the poem was, in fact, a parody jointly composed by Ingrams and cartoonist Barry Fantoni, and originally published in satirical magazine Private Eye in 1979.
So is this Gardner’s revenge?
‘I hope Richard’s sense of humour about himself is secure,’ Gardner tells me from Baylor University in Texas.
His mischievous masterpiece details the end of Ingrams’ 30-yearlong first marriage — after he became entangled with Deborah Bosley, nearly three decades his junior — and his second marriage: ‘Still I like the younger ladies, always find myself beguiled Wonder will my latest last? married to my own godchild’.
Richard Ingrams Henley Literary Festival, Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire
Ingrams, 83, who did indeed marry his goddaughter, Sara Soudain, nine years ago, appreciates the quality of Gardner’s verse.
‘I’m very amused by it,’ he assures me. But he is not letting the American off the hook for failing to spot the spoof Betjeman poem which he and Fantoni concocted decades ago.
‘He makes a point of saying how carefully he researches everything and spends years checking out various things, but he never checked with Ian Hislop or anyone at Private Eye.
Nor did the publishers.
‘And he was very proud of the fact that he’d caught Betjeman out in a mistake about the ‘River Talbot’ [instead of the River Kennet].’
Richard Ingrams at his home in Aldworth, Berkshire. He also found The Oldie magazine
Maria Sharapova Vanity Fair Oscar Party, Arrivals, Los Angeles wearing a Lanvin dress
It really is Sharapova on your mobile
Tennis star Maria Sharapova is used to juggling her rackets, but she might struggle to find time for her boyfriend, Prince William’s art consultant pal Alex Gilkes, despite the fact they are self-isolating together.
For the 32-year-old former Wimbledon champion, who retired in February, has been busy fielding messages from other admirers after she gave out her mobile phone number on social media so that adoring fans can get in contact.
‘I’ve been trying to find a way to be in touch with all of you,’ she explains in a video online, which attracted three million views in just three days.
‘I wanted more connection, and a big part of that is because we’re all in this separation, this physical distancing, together.’
She adds: ‘Tell me how you’re doing, ask me questions, or just say hello. Any great recipes welcome, too.’
Hollywood actress Gillian Anderson and Charles Moore, official biographer of Lady Thatcher, are unlikely to see eye to eye politically. But Moore has revealed he has held meetings with Anderson relating to her playing Lady Thatcher in season 4 of Netflix royal drama The Crown. ‘I’ve talked to her about it and I’ve seen some of the rushes of it and I thought she did it brilliantly,’ says Moore, ‘particularly with her [playing] Mrs Thatcher in a state of high emotion.’ Moore adds that he has watched the first two seasons of The Crown: ‘It’s very good but perhaps containing the seeds of decline in itself. I think it may be in danger of getting too melodramatic and soapy, and slightly losing its moorings from reality.’ Similar sentiments were expressed about Lady Thatcher towards the end of her time in office.
What will Jamie do when those Grey days are over?
Fifty Shades Of Grey star Jamie Dornan, who is married to actress Amelia Warner, says selfisolation has made him relish the good things in life. ‘When this is all over, I’ll appreciate these things more: People who work in the health sector. In fact, ALL people. Hugging my friends. Playing golf. Sun. Watching golf. Wind. Watching rugby. Rain. Watching football. Snow. ‘A good wine list. The ocean. Travel. Work. Guinness on draught. Restaurants. Pubs. Shops. The cinema. Live music. Life.’ No mention of E.L. James, however, the author of Fifty Shades…
Tarrant’s ex says Sheen loses the Quiz by a nose
Chris Tarrant’s ex-wife Ingrid is looking forward to seeing the ITV mini-series, Quiz.
It will dramatise a 2001 edition of the game show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? hosted by Tarrant, which was won by Army Major Charles Ingram who, along with his wife Diana and an accomplice in the audience, was later judged to have been cheating.
Ingrid, now 65, was present at the recording that night, and recalls: ‘It dominated a lot of the conversations in our house, and everywhere we went people were always eager to hear our thoughts.’
After seeing a still photo of actor Michael Sheen portraying her former husband in Quiz, Ingrid says: ‘Michael’s nose isn’t quite right for Chris, but other than that he’s got the right facial expression. It’ll be interesting to see how well Michael gets Chris’s voice.’
Tally-ho! After half a century Nigel Peel is hanging up his hunting boots. Now approaching his 70th birthday, Peel was Master of the North Cotswold Hunt for 30 seasons. But rather than retire when his time there drew to a close two years ago, he leaped at the chance to become joint Master of the Thurlow Hunt at the invitation of his friend, Robin Vestey. ‘His commitment to the highest standards is unwavering,’ Vestey, a kinsman of Lord ‘Spam’ Vestey, tells me. ‘He still lives in Gloucestershire, but he came over to us in Suffolk for two days a week. He loves his hounds and they love him.’ Foxes are possibly less keen.
The Duchess of Cambridge’s dogloving brother James Middleton is launching a new charity — the Paw Print Fund — to help support pet owners who have been affected by the pandemic. ‘Money raised will go to the RSPCA, Battersea Dogs & Cats Home and The Dogs Trust,’ he says. ‘Together, we can support pets and their owners, helping them stay in their homes and prevent rescue centres from being overwhelmed.’
Melanie Hamrick with son Devereux (her son with Mick Jagger)in London last spring
Little Jagger has got the hair and the pout licked
You can’t always get what you want. Sir Mick Jagger’s girlfriend, Mel Hamrick, was disappointed she couldn’t enjoy the fine weather at the weekend so instead harked back to this time last year, when the world was allowed outisde. The 33-year-old American ballerina shared a picture of herself and Deveraux — her three-year-old son by the Rolling Stone — enjoying an ice cream at Battersea Zoo near Mick’s home in Chelsea. The blond tot has inherited more than just his floppy hair and pout from the rocker. ‘He dances a ton,’ Mel says. ‘He plays the ukulele and he makes up songs. He’s got the gene.’
Former Today programme host James Naughtie perseveres in trying times. Lamenting that his new book, On The Road, was due to be published this month, he says: ‘As someone who published a book in the week of 9/11, I shouldn’t really be surprised by the arrival of a time of trial.’
Lilly Becker, estranged wife of Boris, kissing another woman in her TV acting debut
Lilly, that’s a smacker of a debut role!
Boris Becker’s estranged wife Lilly admits there is something to be said for the fairer sex after playing a lesbian in her debut acting role. The 43-year-old Dutch model, whose first appearance in the Bavarian TV soap Dahoam Is Dahoam (Home Is Home) aired last night (she’s pictured on the left), says of her sapphic on-screen experience: ‘It was funny and exciting. I think women are better kissers.’ She was not, however, lacking personal experience. Mother of one Lilly, who split from the tennis wunderkind in 2018 after nine years of marriage, enjoyed an embrace with her model friend, Shermine Shahrivar, at Oktoberfest just months before filming.
